Hello, blog!

Hello blog.

Now I just arrived at home, tired and hungry. Instead of sleeping and taking rest, I am looking at you. Typing on your page. I don’t know how far I am still fine now. I think, I’m  going to be crazy for everything that had happened before and for whatever probably going on after .. uh, uh. Exactly I don’t know the reason why I’m going to be crazy -..- Fajar has text me, warned about PKTI propose that should be ready to bring up tomorrow. At the same time, I have to finish my arch designing and make sure it’s gonna be awesome and beautiful as same as the others wish to me. At least, if the arch can standing without some problem, it’s really enough to me. No need being awesome and pretty, just standing effectively for a whole day, it’s enough. My challenge writing deadline haunts me every single time and feels like a big disappointment if I can’t finish these all. How could I say myself as writer and tellers of tales, if only for these challenge, I choose to giving up, without trying. How about college and KKN? Forget it. I will start to think about it, when the May has finished and June has started herself.

Everything has really fed me up .-.

And so many thing that I can’t share, even with my parent or my friend too. What I’m realizing now,  the more you growing up, than the more you will understand: everyone has their own business, everyone has their own priority, everyone has their own problem. So you should keep your mouth and please never ever to think to burdening them with your stories, like you did before. I can’t tell ma mom how confused and worry I am now. Or tell to Atika and Ospa how panic I am for something happened yesterday (and will be continue for the next day). Puji is the more crazy than me, so I can’t tell her too. And about Padang, they are preparing for their final exam. See? They have their problem too and have to finish theirs for the first. As good partner (as daughter or best friend) you should understand, they can tired too, or pissed up for something, or sad and disappointed for anything that had happened. As same as you did, as same as you feel. But, they can finish everything or at least controlling their feeling. So, maybe I can do the same too.

Uh. So why I’m writing now?

I just throw back my childhood and my teenager. What a beautiful and coolest moment to remember. I only miss the time when I was got so many achievement from different way. I miss the time when I was being one of best student in the class, got highest score for the exam so easily, winning some olympiade, and everyone loves me so much hahahaha. I miss the time when I can singing better, being part of school  aubade group, winning singing contest and  group contest, and people around could appreciated me and supported me. I miss the time when I can be one of students of that senior high school, one of the best school from West Sumatera. I want to winning MTQ once again, being 1^st for MDA Examination for ‘kabupaten-level’, and winning Cerdas Cermat anymore. Seriously, I’m good multitasker before. I miss that feeling. I didn’t mean to show off the yesterday. I only miss the time when I can did so many things that I love, can be good at each different area, and love them, do those all without pressure. I miss the feeling when I can proud to myself. And now I don’t have even one else achievement. I can’t do many things at the same time anymore. No matter how hard I am trying. I only have big spirit, but no achievement, no proud, nobody supported like before.

But btw about big spirit, someone ever told me: (mom’s friend, a lecture)

“Aih, young girl. Have so many things that want to reach, don’t you? Listen to me. People no need achievement or award, they only need big spirit. Achievement and award would only make you feel better than the others. And you would never satisfied with achievement and award. But big spirit is most important if you wanna give award to your life, if you wanna your life is still going on and on and on… no matter how hard life treat you. Only with the big spirit, people would through no matter how terrible the day, and that’s why you will get the achievement and give award to your life”

*Aaaaaaaak why do I feeling better suddenly after write down that statement? Feels like all my confused and my sadness are getting out . Maybe two hours after writing I’m feeling bad again, but who cares? I can spirit up my self again too, rite?

Yes. Off course I’m a person with a big spirit ! Maybe, life would still force me to keep struggle, but it doesn’t matter. I was born to be a fighter. Allah is with the one who want to fighting and keep struggle for her better life.

Putri-20 years old-with chaotic and desperate grammar hahaha :D